Just Let God be God

The other day I got caught in the rain and made a run for It from my car to the house. On the way up the ramp I slipped and fell and scraped up my knees badly. I feel pain, but I know how to take my mind off it and think of something else. But when I got inside and sat down to access my scratches, I broke down crying. Not from the pain of the injuries, but from the pain of life. I have taught myself how to function through all that I endure and keep going about life as if everything is fine when it really is not… my friend says that it is high functioning depression… But anyway, when I was done crying, I realized I had to stop doing that and face the truth of being depressed, stressed and frustrated. Now I know we Christians are taught to be careful of the things we speak into our lives and claim. However, I also believe that turning a blind eye to those things and going about life as if it does not exist will not bring acknowledgement, understanding and solution to the problem. I think we should call those things out by name and rebuke them so we may face and defeat them.

There have been many life changes going on, my mother fractured her hip Christmas eve and had to have surgery. She has not walked since, and it is taking a toll on her being that she has dementia. She forgets her condition and has these breakdowns which are heartbreaking to witness and I can only imagine how she feels. She has also started dialysis due to kidney failure, but she is doing so much better because of it. As far as myself, I have found out about health issues I am facing and must lose weight in order to beat these things, which I am working on. I have been focusing on working out and eating right. I am also finding out who is really for me… and I often find myself alone. I have so many questions and doubts going through my mind at times, but I do not allow myself to focus on or dwell on those feelings… which is where the denial or refusal to face these things. I feel so lost and confused and find myself trying to make it through the most life defining things by myself versus with God and trusting Him to lead me.  Just living in content and moving in a scheduled and precise way to make it through each day.

I am sort, I do not have nothing encouraging to say. I have nothing to positive to quote. Just real-life feelings and emotions…. Just saying where I am right now and that I do not plan on giving up or stop believing in God’s plan for my life. I know that this is a process I must endure and instead of focusing on what is going on I choose to focus on God so I can learn the lesson. The lesson of life in this time. I know that none of this is in vain.

Below is a link to Anita Wilson’s song “Total Praise Reprise.” Though I do not have life to speak, this song gives the answers to everything I am learning in this season. It is God’s answer to every question and concern that I have, that I should just let Him be God.  Love you all and talk to you soon!

Total Praise Reprise by Anita Wilson      

Please don’t think that Christians  have it easy because we follow God. I must say the chosen and anointed have it harder because it is a process of preparation on who we are called to be. This blog is just an insight on those feelings in that moment. No, every day is not roses and sunshine, but my trust in God allows me to see the roses and sunshine in everything… good or bad anyway! The bad not really being bad because God’s protection oversees the rejection I may feel. Even when life doesn’t go the way I expect, I still thank Him!